Life can be so confusing sometimes. When you fall in love with someone you expect to be in a relationship with them. You see a future with that person. Then suddenly everything changes. Your life seems like it has no purpose. Even though you know you are a strong, young, powerful woman a man can make you make you feel so tiny. I have no reason to believe that I can't get another man tomorrow if I wanted (I have a line waiting for the go ahead), but when you know something is special with someone you don't want to lose them. The hardest thing I ever had to do was leave. After all the things I have been through in my life (and I have been through some things no one even knows about) this was probably the hardest.
After finding out that he has another love interest in his home country, I felt like my heart had shattered in pieces. He says all the right things to me, but wont choose me. "Now is not the right time." This is the second love interest to have said that to me. When is the right time? Is there ever a right time? Why is time even an issue? He said before I left, "I didn't know I was going to fall for you; I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you." I didn't expect to hear that from him. After all we had only been seeing each other for two months. I knew I loved him, though. But I never told him. I knew I loved him when I couldn't help but to keep wanting to say it to him. I replied to him, "if you love me and I love you, then why are you letting her decide." All he said was "I need time." Time is always the issue with me. It wouldn't hurt, but to know now that he does love me makes it hurt worse. What am I supposed to do? Wait, and hope he changes his mind? What if he doesn't and I am just waiting like a sad puppy dog at home. I know I won't wait. And that is what scares me. I know I will move on and find someone else. I told him that before and he said he would wait for me. But what if I fall in love with someone who treats me like I always wished for, who makes me his priority, who doesn't want to lose me? Albert Einstein once said, " The only reason for time is so everything doesn't happen at once." This quote gives me hope. Hope for my future. If everything happened at once then how can you fully enjoy life? I know everything happens for a reason and God puts people in your life for a purpose. I may not understand his purpose right now, but I know one day I will understand.
So if you are reading this, remember the reason for time. Time is here for us so that we can fully enjoy life. Without time you have nothing. With nothing you have no time. Who knows what time will tell. I have a positive mindset and even though I want to cry and wait for him, I know time has a reason for this. If I got everything I wanted then I wouldn't enjoy life to the fullest. Time gives you strength. So in time I will be a stronger, smarter, and more powerful woman than the one I am today.
