I do wish I was busy, though. It would definitely help pass the time and keep my mind off of him. My last post was a hard one to write. That afternoon he messaged me and said that he felt like his heart had shrinked. Yes, he used the word shrinked. Remember he's from a different country. I love it when he says words wrong. Maybe it's because I am a teacher and correcting someone is part of my nature, but it's just the cutest thing. His words can be so poetic without him even trying. That's just one of the things I love about him. I decided to see him later that night. I flipped a coin to decide if I should or not (that's one of our things, we flip a coin and let destiny decide what we should do when we don't know). I am glad I did, I surprised him at the tattoo shop. Seeing his eyes get wide from his first sight of me was something special. I hope I can see that reaction again on a special day, maybe a wedding to be exact. We spent the whole weekend together, as usual for the past 3 or 4 weekends. It was nice, everything seemed to be going well. I just love being with him. Even when we aren't doing anything or saying anything I am still happy. He makes my heart happy. Isn't that what love is about anyway/? Sunday we had a little rough patch, but it still didn't keep us from separating. We made some agreements and came to a conclusion of what is to happen next. Neither one of us want this to happen. After all the hardest thing for us is to not be with each other. Shouldn't that be his answer, though? Shouldn't he know that if he is going to struggle being away from me then I am the person he is supposed to be with? I mean it makes sense, right!?
We came to the conclusion that he needs to figure out his life and what he is going to do. Either he's going to dump the girl from his home country who plans to move here for him or he dumps me. I don't know their history, but I know ours. It's funny how GOD puts people in your life when you least expect it. I know I wasn't his ideal timing to fall in love, but when is the right time?
He ended up having dinner at my house last night. It felt right. My mom talked his head off, interrogated him, explained how much of a princess I am (he already knew and was happy to let my mom know), and she gave a show to her favorite song "strokin" by Clarence Carter. It was a good night. It was the best way to end to postpone things. I use the word postpone because I don't believe this will be the end. I think its just a slight hold in time. I know we will be together again. Hopefully in a couple weeks when he makes his decision of what he wants to do in life we can proceed from this short intermission. If not then I will have to move on and not have to worry about this anymore. He told me yesterday that if he chooses me then it would be for good. That made me happy, but who wants to be a choice? I told him I don't want to be a choice. I deserve better than that, I know! When he left my house last night it was hard, but it felt right. I know he wants to be with me. I told him to follow his heart. I just hope I'm the one his heart wants.
I told myself I wouldn't cry over this. I didn't feel the need to cry until I wrote that last sentence in the paragraph above. I know GOD will lead me in the right direction. Wherever that may be, with him or without him. If we end up together I know this road is to only make our love for each other stronger. And even if we don't end up together I know this road is to make me a stronger woman and lover. I am going to stay positive and optimistic. As bad as I want this to work between us and knowing how hard this is going to be for me, the process of waiting and the process of possibly being dumped, I know I am going to be okay because I will be stronger.
No comments:
Post a Comment