True Love

Update on life for those of you who care:

Since my last post lover boy and I spent a lot of time together. It was hard to stay away from him. Now however, I wish I had. Yup, you read it right. He dumped me...or should I say chose her. So let me give you the story because I know you are interested.

Once again we spent most of the weekend together. Saturday night we went to my cousins graduation party and my parents were there. He couldn't keep his hands off me. In front of my mom he said "why are you so pretty" then looks at my mom and says, "isn't she beautiful!" Of course hearing that from him just made me the happiest girl in the world. I thought that maybe he was getting closer to making his decision. Of course I spent the night with him. The next morning we made his favorite (and now mine, too) home country breakfast. I tried not to get too excited about the fact that we were cooking together (he was mostly cooking, I was learning) because I didn't want to get my hopes up, again. I spent most o the day with him, which I regret now because it was Mother's Day. I should have left as soon as I woke up, but I am an idiot and didn't. Later that night he came to my house for Mother's Day dinner with my family. Once again he couldn't take his hands off me. He even asked me to go home with him, IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS! To most people in their 20's it's not a big deal to spend the night with your boyfriend (or boo in my case), but when you have Greek parents and you are a female...eh, it's kind of big deal. I didn't go home with him. I would have, but I felt something in my stomach telling me not to. He said I could spend the night this week anytime I wanted. Yesterday he text me and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I would really surprised he had text me because for the last week he hadn't really been responding to me texts and he definitely wasn't texting me first. I got really excited! I couldn't believe he wanted to see me so soon! I thought maybe he had something he wanted to ask me, maybe that's why he wanted me to spend the night. You all know what I was thinking...he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend! So I go with him to lunch, he picks me up on the side of the school where I work. I knew something was wrong. He didn't kiss me when I got in and there was a lot of awkward silences. When we got in the restaurant he acted like he didn't want to touch me. I eventually leaned in for a kiss because I thought it was weird he didn't get one sooner. He is kisser. He loves to kiss. He is actually the best kisser I have ever had. Anyways, back to my story, I paid for our lunch and oddly enough he didn't say thank you. He always says thank you. I mean I know sometimes I forget to tell him thank you for buying my food, but for him its just uncommon. It was another sign that something was wrong. When we were eating his chair was far from me. He barely talked and he barely ate anything. Another sign. At lunch I was telling him about my trainer I work out with. He seemed a little jealous and said that he would work out with me. So later that afternoon I text him and asked him if he wanted to work out with me today. He called me after work and said he didn't want to work out, but I could come over if I wanted. I knew what that meant, and I wasn't opposed to it. I knew I didn't want to spend the night with him, though. So I just brought myself over. Everything seemed fine when I first got there. We were laughing and smiling. Everything just seemed normal. Then it got weird. We decided to watch this really good movie on netflix. Usually when we watch a movie we either cuddle or end up needing to pause the movie, if you know what I mean. Not last night, though. He didn't touch me. Didn't say a word to me, the whole two hours. It was awkward. Thank goodness the movie was entertaining! Once the movie was over he still didn't say a word. I asked him what was on his mind and he asked how I knew. I told him I could tell he was concentrating on something. He put his arm around me and said he made his decision and I wasn't going to to like it. I was hoping maybe he was trying to get me worried and then tell me he chose me. But then I knew. He told me by saying, she is coming here, like the end of June. I asked him how long he knew of his decision and he said a couple days, like last week. I got up from the bed, put my shoes on, and grabbed my purse. He tried to pull me close to him, but I stood my ground. I asked him why did he beg me to spend the night and he said because he likes being with me. I asked him why he didn't tell me at lunch and he said because he didn't know how to tell me. I left his room and walked out the front door. He followed me. The look on his face looked like he was the one being hurt. Before I walked to my car he said something like if it was the right time. I didn't understand what he said so I just walked away and went to my car. When I drove off he was standing on his porch with his hands on top of his head. When I got home I didn't cry. I was hurt, but I knew this was going to be the outcome. 

This morning he text me telling me he hoped I have a good day and that he really cares about me. I don't understand why he would tell me that. My friends say it's so he could clear his conscious and make sure I am okay. I guess I will never really know the answer. 

I didn't tear up until I read my two previous blogs about him. I was so confident in myself that we would work out. I should have known we wouldn't. After all he was never loyal to me. I was just a girl to keep around to help pass the time until she moved here. I don't regret my time with him, because at the moment you do things that you want, but I wish I would have been more conscious of what was going to happen. The time that I knew he was going to chose her, I should have moved on. I don't understand why he would lead me on and be with me all weekend if he knew his answer. I could have never hang out with someones parents and make it seem like I care about them if I knew I wasn't going to end up with them. He knew that he was choosing her for days, but still kept me around. It makes no sense. I do think he chose the easy way out. I think he chose her because she already had her shit together to come here.

Whatever his reason is, I don't really give a shit anymore. I am done with him. He is done with me. He made his choice. He is the idiot, not me. I feel really bad for the girl who he chose. She probably has no idea about him and I. She probably has no idea what kind of an asshole he is. I feel really bad that she is going to move here and find out how shitty of a person he is. I have heard some things about him and I have witnessed some fucked up things he has done with me being right beside him. What sucks is she is going to waste her time coming here because when she finds out who he really is and what he is really like, she is going to regret it. Who knows maybe I am wrong. Maybe they were meant to be together and are GOD's choice for each other. I guess we weren't meant to be together and that is just fine. I know I have someone out there who is waiting to treat me the way I deserve. Now I just have to go out there and find him. 

I prayed to GOD every day and night to help keep me, him and the other girl strong and that no matter what decision he made that each person would continue to be strong and happy. I am strong. The fact that I didn't cry a tear drop until today reading these blogs shows my strength. I am happy. I am happy that he finally made his decision and I can move on now and stop wasting time on him. He never deserved my dedication to him. Someone out there does. I am not a mean person. I wish him and her many years of love, happiness, and dedication to each other. I just hope that their love for each other is true.